Modern Warfare

This is my very first attempt at a blog and I’m not really sure what I’m doing to be completely honest, or even what you as a reader expect from me. If you crave fiction then I’m sure I can assume an interesting persona just for your amusement, but would you prefer the somewhat boring truth instead?

It’s a tough call to make, so I guess I’ll just have to roll with the punches and perhaps swing between both. I wouldn’t like either you or I to get bored or anything.

Here goes.

Today has been pretty dicey. I dodged a bullet first thing this morning when I was dropping my 5 year old daughter off at school and I haven’t really recovered. The playground was painted yesterday with snakes and ladders and hopscotch scotch hops. You wouldn’t believe how many children turned up for school just to get the chance to slither down a snakes back on their hands and knees. Seriously, I’ve never seen so many children in my life. Attendance records must be at an all time high.

Anyway, I discovered that little boys do not run around obstacles even if that obstacle is you, and if they’re sporting an invisible AK-47 and you’re inadvertently standing in their way, they’re not afraid to use it. They’ll shoot you straight in the gut and right between your eyes before you even have a chance to scream and it won’t cost them a second thought (in fact, they will smile and run a victory dance up a painted <on the ground> ladder with their hands in the air and their jumpers pulled up over their heads like a self-indulgent footballer.)

I believe this military tactic is commonly referred to as ‘the double tap’, though how 6 year old boys are aware of it makes one’s mind boggle. When I was their age my gun was a stick and it was called ‘rifle’.

How sophisticated modern warfare has become, eh?

It has certainly given me pause for thought.

Perhaps tomorrow I should wear lots of layers and a ski mask in a bid to evade capture, but I don’t know if I’d even get as far as the school gates, especially with a pink school bag on my back. It’s no secret that boys do not like pink, so having any of it about my person is going to be akin to waving a red flag at a bull.